Day 1 (draft)
"The wheels on the bus go round and round" the class sung while we were driving to Kakepuku. The drive seemed to go really quickly. Once we had arrived at the base of the mountain there were no parents so we decided to wait for a while as we didn't want to go up without them. While we were waiting Mr Woody started yapping on about the place being different since last time he came, I heard some bits about no cows or fences there and there were no informative signs. Half an hour passed and still no sign of any parents so Mr Woody suggested we start climbing the mountain. Most of us agreed but a small group stayed behind to wait for the parents just in case they were really late.
As we were venturing into the bush we decided to create groups so we didn't get lost. I decided to go with Roo, Seb and Adman. Suddenly there was a loud and mysterious squawk which I thought was quite odd it was probably only a native bird call that I've never heard before. After a few minutes of vigorous walking and sight seeing we came to a clearing with rocks in and lots of bush around. It was about noon so we decided to have lunch here. Roo yelled "hey over here!" We ran over to him and sat down munching on our lunch and having sips from our water bottles. While I was eating I noticed that Mr Woody had mysteriously disappeared but I thought that he just needed a toilet break.
Once we had finished eating, we noticed a little track leading into the bush that looked like it had been stomped down by an animal. We decided it probably wouldn't hurt to do a bit of exploring. I then noticed a hoof print on the ground leading down the track and recognised it was a boar's hoof print. I told my group about it. We decided to follow the boar so we said our goodbyes to the rest of our class and ventured down the track. After a few minutes of walking something started rustling in the bushes. "What was that?" asked Seb. "It's only a bird" Adman smartly replied. But then I saw a black shadow quickly zoom past us. "Did you see that?" I said but they probably thought I was trying to play tricks on them. However, I wasn't so sure, it really gave me the creeps. Suddenly out of nowhere a crazy wild boar started wildly charging towards us we all knew what to do RUN! We all started running for our lives like it was what we were destined to do.
Suddenly Roo tripped on a log, but before any of us could help him there was a loud scream. The boar had dug its tusk into the side of his body. Roo only just managed to get out his Swiss army knife and stab the terrible creature back. It squealed and fled the scene. The wound was quite big. Seb said we had to find a kawa kawa tree because its leaves can ease the pain and some flax to tie up on the wound. Me, Seb and Adman set out looking for the tree. While I was looking I heard Seb yell out "got some!" So I went back to Roo. Seb and Adman were already there with the leaves and flax. Seb told Roo to chew the leaves and put them on the wound. "Eww no" Roo said but his wound made him think otherwise. He chewed the leaves and put them on the wound and then tied the flax around his body. In the end it looked like chopped spinach. “It's not working" Roo said agonisingly. "It will take some time to sooth the pain" Seb replied. We helped Roo up and carried on we didn't want that creature coming back.
Finally we came to another clearing it was getting dark and this placed looked good to sleep, so we decided to set up camp. We all had a job except Roo who had to stay there. I went out to get firewood for fire to keep warm and the others were getting things for the hut. There was quite a bit of dry logs around so it was pretty easy. When I returned with some fire wood the others had already set up a marvellous hut with stick walls and a flax roof. Seb started hitting rocks together slowly sparks started coming out and we had a fire. Then Seb said we had to find some Piko Piko if we wanted to eat dinner. We started searching for some which I managed to find. When I came back with Piko Piko we sat around the fire and started eating the disgusting plant. "Yum" I said sarcastically. Once we finished our food we decided to hit the sack. I thought that was a good idea as I was exhausted from the day. In the night I woke up to some really strange noises but I nodded back off to sleep anyway.
If you bothered to read my story thank you and could you please give me feedback. Sorry I wasn't allowed to give real names it would be irresponsible.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I like the way you have said as you know it.
thanks Roo
i like the way you told your story as if you didnt know what was happening even though you do for instance you didnt say... we decided to sleep here... but we thought wrong. you told it as if it was happening right then not it had already happened and you were telling it after it happened
thanks
goodbye
:-)
thanks :-)
i enjoyed the lively pace and the inclusion of your research knowledge about native plants was impressive. My suggestions for improvement are to learn how to use paragraphs for each new idea and to add more descriptions about the scenes, emotions, etc. I also thought it was odd that you introduced something like a weird sqwark but didn't investigate what it was.
Extremely well done, using the blog to share your writing and get feedback.
Post some more please.
:-)
thanks Mr Woody I'll work on it.
Good Work! Your story was nice!
But next time descibe your surrondings more and people's emotions. And the story was kinda rushed at the start. But other than that, GOOD work!
HamilTRON
Post a Comment